Personal God | Ashley Ogren's Story
You may have a wonderful relationship with God or you may be living a life absent of God but know that He has never left your side. You are doing yourself a disservice if you don’t open your ears, eyes, and heart to him. There are beautiful surprises waiting for you that will fill your heart with strength, hope, and peace.
-Ashley Ogren
October 14, 2021, is a day that will forever be seared in the Ogren family’s memory. It’s the day Ashley went in to see her OBGYN about an embryo transfer and left with the deeply troubling news that she could have cancer.
In the following weeks, doctors diagnosed Ashley with “stage 4 low-grade serous carcinoma” – a type of cancer that does not respond to traditional chemotherapy treatments. In a single moment, her entire life turned upside down. But what the enemy meant for destruction, God used for good and would ultimately lead Ashley to this perspective:
“I know it doesn’t work this way but if I get the opportunity to live a long life, I think cancer will be one of the biggest blessings that came into my life. It’s a fat wake-up call to live a meaningful, abundant, and purposeful life!”
-Ashley Ogren
Ovarian cancer at the age of 33 is also the experience that led her to the loving arms of Jesus.
Ashley’s story begins in a place of spiritual void. She had two wonderful children, a loving husband, an idyllic life…and no need for God. In fact, she’ll tell you she left Jesus behind in high school when she stopped attending church.
Ashley’s cancer was no surprise to God. God knew it was part of her future. He was also working behind the scenes to bring just the right people into her life at precisely the right moments so she could see and experience just how wide, how long, how high, and how deep the love of God is for her.
This is Ashley Ogren’s story.
October 2021
It was a perfect fall day in Kansas City. The expected high was in the upper 60s. The sun shone high in the sky with barely a cloud in view. Ashley loved how the sunshine felt against her skin as she pulled her car out of the garage.
Driving to her OBGYN appointment, she looked forward to the conversation about beginning the journey to transfer another embryo. At 33 years old, she loved being a mom and she and her husband, Matt, were finally ready to expand their family of four. Life had always come easily for Ashley. School, friends, family, career – all of them. In many ways, she felt like she possessed something a little… “extra.” Whatever it was, she felt fortunate to be living that beautiful life she knew many only dreamed of.
But today’s appointment would change all that in a way nobody saw coming.
The sonographer monitored the ultrasound images on the screen next to Ashley’s exam table. She was cheerful and chatty as things got going. Ashley noticed that she suddenly became very quiet. She made several clicks on the computer. Ashley wondered what was going on. What did she see? Was she already pregnant?
Quickly, the sonographer put down the probe and abruptly ran out of the room, only turning to say, “I’ll be right back. I need to find the doctor.”
Ashley knew something wasn’t right.
In that singular moment, everything changed.
The following five days brought a whirlwind of doctor visits, blood draws, and surgery. And then the dreaded words: “I’m sorry, Ashley. You have ovarian cancer.”
As Ashley and her husband, Matt, listened to the doctor. The words swirled around the room in a disorienting fashion. How could this be? It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The medical procedures she was supposed to undergo were about creating new life – not eradicating cancer.
But the news got worse. The doctors identified the cancer as “stage 4 low-grade serous carcinoma,” a type of cancer that, while slow growing, would not respond to traditional chemotherapy treatments.
Thanksgiving Weekend, 2021
Nearly two months had passed since Ashley’s shocking diagnosis. Spending time with family seemed like a good thing, so they headed up to Iowa for the long Thanksgiving weekend. The time with extended family was sweet. While everyone tried not to focus on the cancer diagnosis, like the elephant in the room, it was impossible to avoid. Ashley was learning to see life through the unique lens cancer had offered her – a lens she was oddly learning to appreciate.
But she wanted more. She wanted to understand. Not knowing how much time she may have, she wanted her days to count more than ever.
Before returning home, Ashley and Matt attended a church service with her family on Sunday morning. It was the first time she had stepped foot into a church building in years without feeling obligated to go. This time was different. She wanted to go, and she wanted answers. Was God real? Her mind filled with questions as she sat through the songs, prayers, and message.
On the drive home that afternoon, Ashley broached the topic with Matt. Although they had been married for 10 years, the pair had never discussed religion or ideas about God. Ashley said a silent prayer in her heart as they talked.
“God, if you’re real, can you give me a sign?”
About 20 minutes later, they passed a billboard. The message was simple – it was a man with his arms up in the air in a cheering position. The words above him said, “You’ve Got This!” It was a mantra Ashley had oft repeated. Ashley gasped.
“Hey – look at that – it’s your mantra!” Matt remarked.
Sitting in utter amazement, Ashley knew this literal sign was a direct answer to her quiet prayer.
“Matt,” Ashley paused. “When we were talking about religion a little while ago, I said a silent prayer asking God for a sign to let me know He’s real.”
Matt shot her a look as the hair stood up on the back of his neck. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah…I am. When we get home, I think I want to visit that Westside church down the road from us. Will you go with me?”
“Yes, absolutely.”
Two days later, Ashley opened up her CaringBridge journal and wrote:
“I recently started to reattend church.” November 30, 2021
Westside Family Church, December 5, 2021
The following weekend, Ashley, Matt, and their two boys made their way to Westside. Walking through the main doors, an explosion of Christmas cheer dazzled their eyes. Exquisitely decorated Christmas trees around every corner, garlands, ornaments, and more adorned the nooks and crannies, exuding warmth and joy despite the darkness surrounding the family.
“Ashley!”
Startled, Ashley turned to see a familiar face. It was Linda “Mamo” Roberts, her Aunt Mary’s sister. Linda had helped Ashley with childcare about six years previously, but she didn’t know her well.
“Hi, Linda! Gosh, it’s nice to see you! I didn’t know … this is your church?”
“Oh yes, I’ve been coming here for a while. What brings you here today?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about finding a church.”
Linda was well aware of Ashley’s cancer diagnosis. As soon as Mary heard about it, she called Linda to ask her to pray. Linda had done more than that. Unbeknownst to Ashley, Linda had assembled a group of other women from Westside to also pray for her.
“Ashley, you don’t have to search anymore. You are home. I want you to know a group of women here have been praying for you for the last several weeks. You have prayer warriors here.”
Ashley fought to hold back the tears she felt welling up in her eyes, and Linda quickly reached out her arms, bringing her in for a warm hug, and Ashley knew Linda was right. She didn’t need to visit any other churches.
Caringbridge journal entry, January 13, 2022:
Through this life shattering diagnoses, I have been searching for anything that makes me feel better – working out, healthy eating, therapy, friends, meditation, church. I am only a couple months in but what is constant in my life is how good Sunday service and praying makes me feel. I did, and still do, feel guilty praying for my own healing. That is something I am working out and trying to take steps to have a very authentic relationship outside of just looking to be “cured”. I have signed up for an eight-week course at Westside that I am looking forward to.
January 26, 2022
The family made their way back to Westside, week after week. And while Ashley still didn’t have many answers, she was gaining a new perspective and some peace.
In late January, Matt’s parents had come in for a visit. Ashley had had a tough week. On Sunday morning, she woke up early, and something stirred her heart to go to Westside. Quietly, she got up out of bed and got dressed.
“Are you going somewhere?” Matt asked, lifting his head from the pillow and wiping the sleep out of his eyes. It was 7:40, and Ashley had just stepped out of the bathroom, dressed and ready for the day.
“Yeah, I thought I’d go to the 8:15 gathering at Westside this morning. I know we hadn’t planned to do that, but I just feel like I need that today. Everyone is still sleeping. Do you think you can manage things here until I get back?”
“Sure, don’t worry about it; it’s not a problem. Go and enjoy it.” Matt smiled, and she headed out the door.
The morning was cold and brisk. The sun had just crested the eastern horizon with beautiful hues of orange and coral. It looked like it would be a beautiful day.
It was almost 8:15 when Ashley arrived and slipped into the back of the north sanctuary. The crowd was lighter than she was used to. Ashley smiled when she noticed another woman sitting down a few seats over from her.
“Good morning and welcome to Westside,” Pastor Troy Kennedy announced as he began his message. The message was centered on growing closer to Jesus, and Ashley soaked it in like a sponge. She desperately wanted to grow closer to Jesus and understand who he is. She was already glad to be here.
“Surrendering your kingdom to God’s kingdom doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have a change in vocation or a change in relationships … but it’s a heart shift within you because finally, you realize that everything you have, and everything you can do, and everything you are, is a gift of grace from a good, good father who wants to see you flourish and thrive and he knows you better than you know yourself.” Troy’s words encouraged Ashley, but she still had many questions.
Across the sanctuary, Michelle Kernicky sat with expectant hope. A few weeks earlier, a videographer had reached out from Westside asking to record and share her story for an upcoming Sunday morning message. Today was that Sunday morning.
Michelle was coming up on the first anniversary of her life-altering news.
On February 4, 2021, Michelle went to see her doctor. She’d noticed an odd-looking “muscle” protruding from her abdomen and had lost a little weight. There were a few other symptoms Michelle didn't think too much of but decided it would be better just to have things checked out.
She soon learned that “muscle” was a very large and fast-growing ovarian tumor that was attached to multiple places, including her spine, colon, large and small intestines, and spline. The official word came back from pathology on February 25. Michelle had “stage 3 high-grade serous carcinoma.”
The news shocked her, but as she began processing it, she turned her perspective from one of grief, anger, and confusion to the eternal. On the drive home from the doctor’s office, she prayed, “OK, God, let people see Jesus.” Through the worst moments in her journey, she remembered that prayer, trusting that God would ultimately use this cancer for good. She wasn’t afraid to share that perspective with others, either.
“But how?” they would ask, to which she always replied, “I don’t know how, but God does. And because I want to lean into that, I know he will honor that prayer. And my prayer is that somebody comes to Jesus through this.”
As Troy segued his message to Michelle’s story, Michelle’s best friend Daphne reached over and squeezed her hand.
Already moved and challenged by the morning’s message, Ashley felt overwhelmed with emotion. The lights dimmed, and she directed her attention to the screen. A black and white image of a white chair appeared, and Michelle walked into the frame and sat down.
Ashley was locked in as Michelle told her story of drawing close to Jesus in the worst times. And then it came. Michelle had cancer, too. With that, the floodgates of tears blew open.
“Joy is not the absence of sorrow. It’s the presence of Jesus,” Michelle spoke with conviction. “Our happiness can fluctuate, but we can have joy knowing that God has a plan and he walks with us every single day.”
The lights came back up in the room, and Jen Decker, the woman, seated a few chairs down from Ashley, noticed Ashley trying to wipe her eyes. Jen got up and grabbed a box of Kleenex.
Sitting back down next to Ashley, Jen put an arm around her and offered her the tissues. “Sometimes you just need a good cry.”
Ashley accepted the tissues with gratitude and began blotting her face. She was struggling hard on this particular morning and was amazed that someone not just noticed but stepped into her pain.
Finally gaining her composure, Ashley looked at Jen and blurted out what she was thinking. “I don’t know if you can help me, but I need to meet that woman who did that video.”
“Yes, I can help you with that. She’s here this morning. Come with me.”
The women stood up from their chairs, and Ashley followed Jen into the Commons. As the pair made their way to the Connection Center, Michelle locked eyes with Jen and instinctively knew she needed her for something.
“Michelle, this is Ashley,” Jen made a brief introduction and stepped back to let God do what only God could do.
The women talked for quite a while – so long that Ashley’s husband Matt started to get worried when she wasn’t home yet. But Ashley knew there was no better place for her at this moment and increasingly felt God was in the middle of all of it. He had brought the right people into her life at precisely the right moments.
As they finished, Michelle asked if she could pray for Ashley before she went home and promised to continue praying for her.
When Ashley got to her car, she picked up her phone only to see several messages from Matt filled with care and concern and wondering if she was OK.
She dialed his phone.
“Ashley, Is everything OK?” Matt’s voice sounded worried.
“Hey. Yes, I’m really glad I came. I’m just leaving the church, so I’ll be home soon, but I honestly can’t wait to tell you what happened.”
When Ashley arrived at the house, she pulled Matt aside. She told him everything – the message, the video, meeting Michelle, and her beautiful prayer. She knew there were no mistakes or random coincidences that morning. Instead, it was a purposeful intersection of lives that only God could orchestrate.
That single event sparked an ongoing conversation about Jesus in the Ogren household. Up until now, “Jesus” was a name they rarely spoke. Ashley’s children even started talking about God and praying on their own. She was amazed by the transformation she saw happening.
Ashley attended Starting Point, one of the Westside Essentials classes that week. Intrigued by the description, Ashley thought this class looked like the perfect place to talk to people who could help lead her to answers. The promise to be a “judgment-free zone” and offer the “space to draw your own conclusions” was incredibly appealing.
The following weeks and months were met with more doctor visits, surgeries, procedures, blood draws, hard news, good news, and uncertain news. Through it all, Ashley stayed committed to learning more about God and her new identity as a cancer survivor. Her friendship with Michelle also grew quickly. Michelle was a great encouragement for Ashley in her cancer and spiritual journeys.
Throughout the week, Ashley received texts from Michelle with notes of encouragement. A devotional one day, a link to Mercy Me's song “Even If” on another, each message intentionally focused on reminding Ashley that her hope is in Jesus. She sent her Bible verses that reminded her to keep her eyes on Jesus in the middle of the storm; and pointed her to her real identity – not as a cancer survivor, but as Jesus’ beloved child: 2 Corinthians 5:17 (“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”) “When you accepted Jesus as your savior you became His child. You are His, and our identity is in Jesus,” Michelle would write.
July 2022
In July, Ashley felt strong enough – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – to publicly declare things were different in her life, and there had been a significant change. She and Matt asked Pastor Brad Norman to lead them in a vow renewal as they recommitted themselves and their marriage to God. And although she was baptized as an infant, Ashley also wanted to tell the world that Jesus is her Savior and King through a believer’s baptism.
With Matt, her children, Michelle Kernicky, Linda Roberts, and her team of prayer warriors gathered around the baptismal, Ashley entered the water and let the Holy Spirit breathe new life and purpose within her.
Soon after, she wrote these words:
Caringbridge journal entry, July 11, 2022:
I was diagnosed in October of 2021 so we are slowly approaching the 1 year mark which makes me take a deep breath and realize how much I have overcome this past year. I have eliminated a lot of stress and anxiety, I have slowed down and absorbed the present, deepened my relationships, I was rebaptized and found a strength and peace in my faith and so many more positive things that I can thank this cancer for. I know it doesn’t work this way but if I get the opportunity to live a long life, I think cancer will be one of the biggest blessings that came into my life. It’s a fat wake up call to live a meaningful, abundant, and purposeful life!
Post notes:
Ashley continues to fight cancer.
Michelle’s cancer is in remission.
